3 Reasons Therapists Should Stop Focusing on Pain
Recently I was browsing through therapist profiles on a therapist referral website and I noticed that many profiles begin with the assumption that the reader is “struggling,” “in pain” or “feeling stuck,” Many assert that “life is hard” and that seeking out therapy is “brave” or took “courage.”
Something about this feels wrong to me.
As the person who has the privilege of sitting on the “other side of the couch,” I understand that many people seek therapy because they are having feelings or experiences that are challenging or that make them uncomfortable. But when we suggest that seeking therapy is “brave” or takes “courage,” I worry that we are perpetuating a culturally determined stereotype that therapy is for the “weak,” or the “crazy.”
While it can be easy to focus on pain, there are plenty of reasons to view therapy as a healthy, proactive part of self-care. Here are 3:
Seeking therapy is a sign of strength and resilience; not of brokenness, suffering, or despair. It is those who believe that what they are feeling or experiencing can be transformed who seek therapy.
It is an incredibly positive, helpful process that feels good. My clients and I laugh, feel genuine warmth towards one another, deal with the pain and challenges, but also affirm the happy and positive. I am humbled and in awe, repeatedly, of what my clients are capable of changing within themselves and their lives.
Doing this work is not “depressing” or “hard.” It is life affirming, and feels like a gift that I have the privilege of participating in with the people who walk through my door. And I know that I am not alone in that feeling.
So maybe it is time for us therapists to stop focusing on the pain and to focus instead on the strength and joy that can be found not only because of therapy, but within the process itself. I think that if most people knew how comforting, positive, life affirming and life giving therapy is, there would be much less of a stigma attached to the idea of doing it. And people wouldn’t think of it as something to turn to only when we are “struggling,” “stuck” or “in pain.” Perhaps then it would more readily be seen as something available to anyone seeking growth, personal development and a greater sense of self knowledge and efficacy. Because in truth, that it is what it is.
